Inbreeding at it's finest

Welcome to Bumblefuck, deep in the county of Puppy-rape, Kentucky. We are pulling up to a baptist bible camp, camp Phist-yer-pet, for the Creech family reunion. I know what your probably thinking, "Whoopty shit", but stay with me for a bit. This last bastion of inbreeding and questionable genetic make-up is where, despite my better judgment, I will be spending the next few days. Staring into the sea of debatable humanity that spreads before me, I silently thank God that I have the Albritton genes of my father coursing through my veins, and with any luck, canceling out some of the ummmm...... less desirable family traits. I exit the car and start to mingle. It is soon abundantly clear that literacy is not required in these parts, not that that's a bad thing, but it's a new item on my list for reasons to escape back to my own little slice of reality. Despite my initial grumblings, everyone is nice, except for Thelma(not a joke), and everyone immediately started spouting the dark family secrets. "That was fast", I say to my sister, as the stories of cousin diddling and the mountain holler wife swapping of the "good ol' days" are talked about as freely as the weather back home.
"Well, we are related from both sides" my 2nd cousin Mary said about our grand parents. "Our mother and aunt married an uncle and his nephew". "What the fuck?!" I blurted, suddenly realizing I was in a bible camp. "Oh don't worry, the uncle and nephew weren't related to the sisters", she says so nonchalantly it's disturbing. As I get up and "casually" walk away from the conversation, I take a look around the dining hall and have an all too clear science lesson on the importance of having a diverse breeding population and I'm deafened by the down right abuse of the English language, the slurred southern dialects, and the clacking of ill fitting false teeth. "I have to get the hell out of here!" I say.
Then it dawns on me. I have to sleep here tonight! *light bulb* "I"ll go and find the tree!" "The tree where the people that actually went to school sit!" "The tree of enlightenment!" I scan the park area and see it. A few of my aunts and cousins sitting together with disturbed looks on there faces. The look of 'what could have been'. I breathe a sigh of relief. "I'm not alone!" "You guys came this year!" I say. They give me the look of someone who knows EXACTLY what your feeling. I sit down and someone hands me a beer. I say, "isn't this a dry county?" "Yep" my uncle says. I say, "then where did you get this?" "Beer run", he says. "But isn't the closest wet county 40 miles?" He looks at me, then he looks around and says, "It was worth it."

James Albritton, currently in London, Kentucky

Day Before the Road Trip

As I type this Dueling Banjos just came on my playlist. The winamp KNOWS!

Mom, Jimmy, and I leave for Kentucky tomorrow night. It's the first time we've gone to the reunion as a family so it should be an interesting trip. Hopefully I'll have something interesting to post soon.

Until then...